the first star i see
by but seriously
Summary: She's not a star after all, but she sure shines like one. Two-shot, caMassie.
1. the first star i see

**the first star i see**

The first time he sees Massie Block walking down the hallway, he stares.

Her jeans, the kind of jeans you pay hundreds of dollars for it to look like it's been scraped to bits with a very jagged knife encase her thighs the way only expensive jeans do, and her hair's so shiny if she gets right up to it and smiles, he's sure he'll see his happy smiling face reflected right back at him.

He's always alone, sitting in the back of the bus, the furthest corner of the cafeteria; running around the edges of the field trying to avoid a ball being passed his way. Massie's a force to be reckoned with, while he disappears into the shadows, and he can't help but wonder why he, the darkest of clouds, couldn't shine the way she did, the brightest of stars.

—

The first time Massie Block turns to him in Ethics class, he smiles.

She's nice, with her white square teeth practically glowing from the force of the smile she was giving him, but it's not perfect because it's a little crooked when she asks to borrow a pen. He hands her the very pen he's using, which happens to be his favourite.

After class he waits and hovers outside the door to wait for her, and she stumbles over his name and forgets to say thank you when she returns it, but it's okay because the next time he sees her she's using the exact same pen and wearing the exact same smile.

—

The first time Massie Block writes his name down, he's taken aback.

Granted, she's not the greatest speller in the world, but even Olivia shakes her head when Massie spells his name with two M's and tries to make it better by doodling stars next to it. He kicks himself when he remembers that Massie had chosen him as her partner for English, but he decides to be cool with it because he's pretty patient and Massie catches up quick.

And when she attempts on writing a two-page essay her nails always end up chipped and stained with pen markings, but it's alright because she writes his name down in her loopy handwriting perfectly this time when he spells it out for her.

—

The first time Massie Block says his name, he laughs.

She's trying to be serious and taking as many notes as she can for their English Literature joint presentation, but she doesn't get too far and decides to watch a rerun of The Kardashians while he tries to explain in black and white what the tone of Act Two of _An Inspector Calls_ is. Now she's begging him to sit beside her and watch the episode with her but he shakes his head no, they still have a lot to do.

She's frustrated now and she calls out his name with a huff and a puff, but the lilt of her voice gives away just how amusing she finds the situation before her, two strangers who can barely pronounce each other's middle names yet somehow becoming friends.

—

The first time Massie Block cries, he screams.

She's sitting there dripping salty tears on her paper and smudging the large, red A+ they got for their presentation, and he tries his best to pat her back, put a hand on her arm but she shakes it off, and he doesn't know what to do because it's awkward for the both of them.

He tries multiple times to stop her from calling Derrick but she screams and yells at him to stay out of her business he complies because he's so freaked out by her jagged nails and how close they were to his face.

By the time she's decided to head up to Derrick's house and beg him to take her back he yells at her and tells her she's stupid and needy and things he can't really remember and Massie's looking scandalized and he's looking guilty so he just backs up and leaves.

—

The first time Massie Block ignores him, he breaks.

He's waiting by her locker, nervously scuffing his shoes against the polished floor and she's right beside him, taking out her books one by one and he's starting to feel like a dumbass, waiting for the most popular girl in school while even his Math teacher can't tell him apart from the Asian kid in class.

He says he's sorry, he buys her a Twizzler; he even takes the blame when they forget to bring their assignment to class. She looks a bit puzzled at times when he catches her off guard, but she puts a nose up in the air and swishes her hair side to side as she glides down the hallway, and he feels a strange feeling of emptiness and it's enough to make him step back and blend into the wallpaper to let the world pass him by.

—

She's not a star after all, but she sure shines like one.

He tries to remember clearly the first time he met Massie and tries to paint an ugly picture of her in his head, try to break her down in every possible way, tries to make himself hate her. Then he remembers her shiny hair, her crooked smile, her inability to spell and falls in love with her all over again and that's when he leans out his window and stands on the tips of his toes because he wants to be where all the light is, but he can never quite reach.

* * *

**so i thought i was over and done with the clique, but not quite. props to syd for the song, and soph for the challenge. you guys suck. and i mean that in the most loving way possible.**

**disclaimer: i don't own the clique and all that cheesecake  
**


	2. may not be a star

**the first star i see  
may not be a star.**

The first time she sees Cam Fisher, she can almost cry.

He's beautiful, with his endearing smile and his messy tufts of hair and his all-too-easy smile, and she wants to find out his name so she flips her hair and smiles at him, and it almost works until she realizes she's smiling at nothing but shadows.

She's never alone, always with Alicia fingering her sweater and asking where she's bought it, always with a crowd of people watching what she'll buy for lunch, always the one has to lead the pep rally whenever soccer season comes 'round. She'll never admit it but she's tired, her smile isn't what it used to be and she can't think properly with all the chatter around her. She's doing a back hand flip while the Socc-Hers are chanting something cute she made up at the last minute, and she searches the crowd for him and wishes she could be where he was,

lost.

—

The first time she spots Cam Fisher again, she's in Ethics class and desperately trying to remember what the teacher's been saying for the last fifteen minutes. She can't find her pen and she's worried Ms Keene's going to call her out and ask about Darwinists and she can't even _spell_ Darwinists and then suddenly there he is, with his beautiful handwriting and flawless spelling and she wants to talk to him but she's too fixated on his hands so when he sees her looking the first thing that comes to mind is "Can I borrow?", and that was that.

She can't find him when the bell rings but manages to catch up to him right outside the door, and she's scared he's going to disappear again so her voice cracks when she calls his name, but he turns around to accept his pen. His hand feels rough and warm and _real_, and she doesn't know why she wants him as her partner for English, but she does.

—

She's a force to be reckoned with, while Cam disappears into the background so easily with his messy tufts of hair and his all-too-easy smile, but that's okay, because sometimes Massie reaches a hand out to join him. She's a huge fucking mess, not a star, but Cam Fisher lets her shine just like one.

She wants to resent it, because truth be told she's so tired of being the one everyone smiles for and being the one who smiles for everyone but when Cam's around the world dims and everything's okay and the sun stops burning right through her closed eyelids.

—

The first time Cam Fisher kisses her, she realizes it's not him, but Derrington.

She doesn't really mind, because it's not like she _likes_ Cam or anything, but Derrick kisses like a frog and he has horrible handwriting and he's the loudest among all her friends, but he's always there and he never leaves her wondering if he'll show up the next day.

—

The first time Cam Fisher touches her, she shivers.

It's a hot sweltering scorching day in a surprisingly cold frigid glacial month and she's wearing Uggs because the weatherman said it might snow today, and yet she still shivers when Cameron's fingers brush against the back of the neck when he's reaching out for the pamphlet Mr Dickman is handing them on Oligochaetas. He apologizes and withdraws his hand and she has the stranges urge to pull it back out of his pocket, put it against hand, her face, her heart, tell him No don't it's alright I don't care please stay but all she can manage is a smile and a "Your skill needs refining, pardner.", and that was that.

When she turns out the light and rolls into the darkness of her covers, she touches that one spot on her neck and when she wakes up she's still touching it.

—

The first time Cam Fisher sees her cry, she freaks out.

He's not saying anything, he's just standing there with his hands in his pockets, and then he's touching her arm and telling her _it's going to be okay trust me_ and she wants to scream at him and tell him _No it's not going to be alright I don't want your stupid hand I want you to fuggin kiss me_ but all that comes out is deranged, disjointed words.

When Cam still stands there with that lost look on his face _she_ wants to tell _him_ that it's okay, but all that comes out is "D-Derrington is a… Gotta call him… Omygod what is happ—I gotta call him" to tell him what a dick he was but Cam's suddenly grabbing her arms and making her sit down but _can't he see, _what the hell is he doing, I don't want to sit down I want to slug the guy with my right hook and she says "I need to go see him!" and then suddenly he's yelling at her and telling her she's stupid and needy and revealing all sorts of skeletons she tries to keep buried deep in the depths of her walk-in-closet.

And then he leaves.

—

The last time she sees Cam Fisher, the whole hallway seems to slow down and nobody's talking and nobody's laughing and it's so quiet she closes her eyes but even in the darkness he still burned so brightly.

**fin**

—

**i'd really like to hear your take on this, if you don't mind D:**

**so i'm pretty much in love with juin and madabee for reviewing, so this one's for you. i miss all of you - you know who you are - and i reeeeally hope we can have one of our cracked out gmail chats again. and a shameless plug because i just can, my friend raine is amazing. if you guys haven't read the awesomeness that is -rainbow-lights., you wouldn't understand, but if you have, you still wouldn't be able to understand cause you'd be writhing on the floor in envy of her writing skillz.**

**so ya  
**

**well, that's that. thanks for sticking it out this long.**

**bai guise.**


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